Kim & I had the privilege last night of lighting the Christ candle in the Advent Wreath at Mosaic. Here's what we shared:
Sam: After our 4 weeks of Advent stories and people sharing their experiences with waiting, I’m here to tell a “Christmas” story – one where our waiting turned eventually into hopes being fulfilled. I’ll keep this brief and kind of vague, since I didn’t know until the last day or two that the kids (including our own Ada) would be out here with us tonight instead of in the kids’ room.
Most of you know about, or have seen us the last several weeks with, our 6 week old son David. What you may not know, depending on how long you’ve been around or if you were present when we shared, is that we had a miscarriage last year. It’s Christmas now, and tonight’s supposed to be joyous & hopeful. And that’s what I want to focus on – but I will tell you that was the hardest time in either one of our lives so far, and certainly as a couple.
We waited through weeks of thinking we were probably going to lose the baby, but hoping and praying things would be ok. Once the miscarriage did happen, then we waited for the grief & mourning to become bearable. After a few months, we decided to try again – which became a new season of waiting where conception wouldn’t occur. This brought up our grief again, it wore away at the way we treated each other, and it brought up a new issue…fear. Even though it would have been a perfectly normal amount of time for the average couple, after 2 quick conceptions (Ada & the second baby), this longer time was new for us. We wondered if we’d be able to have kids again. We tried to hope. We prayed and encouraged each other when we had the strength to. Many of you prayed for and encouraged us when we didn’t.
Then, in March of this year, Kim took her monthly pregnancy test. I wish I could tell you we were hopeful or had the right attitude, but I think she walked into the bathroom saying “I don’t know why I’m even bothering with this, it’ll be negative again.” And that’s why from 5 minutes later when we saw the word “Pregnant” all the way up to now, a lot of this year has felt like grace to me. It’s felt undeserved. After 2009, AKA the worst year ever, most of 2010 has felt like gift – at least for us. I remember coming in to the office one day around that time, when the Spring weather was great and several things were going well and telling Don I felt like composing a sonnet or a song about new life springing forth from death.
And I guess part of thinking about and writing about all this the last few days has reminded the poorly rested, easily frazzled and forgetful new father in me just how wonderful this year has been for us. And this is just what’s gone on with us related to children. Our marriage has probably grown more this year than any other. I’m finding new fulfillment and new ways to serve by counseling and pastoring more here at Mosaic. It’s been a good year.
And for those of you who’ve not had a good year, those who have had a tough year, I hope you receive what I’ve shared in the spirit I share it in. I’m not saying every part of our lives are perfect now. And I’m certainly not naïve enough to think we’re done with our suffering for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to gloss over the pain and scars that we will always have from our losses and you’ll always have from your losses or pain. But Advent’s over & it’s Christmas now. It’s the time of the year when we remember and proclaim that Christ has come and is being born in us. God has wrapped himself in flesh and come down to us. He is Emmanuel, God with us – always with us, in our highs and lows and everywhere in between. Always looking for ways to redeem, always working to make things new, always stepping into our death and our pain and calling out new life, and mercy, and grace. For these gifts, thanks be to God.
Kim: God of love, Father of all,
the darkness that covered the earth
has given way to the bright dawn of your Word made flesh.
the darkness that covered the earth
has given way to the bright dawn of your Word made flesh.
Sam: Make us a people of this light.
Make us faithful to your Word
that we may bring your life to the waiting world.
Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Make us faithful to your Word
that we may bring your life to the waiting world.
Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Kim: Tonight, we light the Christ candle - to proclaim that in the person of Jesus we encounter Emmanuel – God with us. Please read this with us:
Myricks: The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.
Mosaic: The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Myricks: Those who dwelt in the land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.
Mosaic: We have beheld Christ's glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father.
Myricks: For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given.
Mosaic: And the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
All: Thanks be to God.
